Talking About Money and Gambling: How to Start Difficult Conversations
Talking About Money and Gambling: How to Start Difficult Conversations
As a financial counselor, I work with individuals and families who are dealing with the
financial impact of gambling. One of the most common things I hear from loved ones is
this: “I don’t know how to bring it up.”
Talking about money is already difficult. When gambling is involved, it can feel even
heavier, often layered with stress, fear, and sometimes broken trust. You may be
worried about saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse. At the same time,
avoiding the conversation can allow financial and emotional harm to continue.
These conversations are not easy, but they are important. And they can be done in a
way that is respectful, supportive, and constructive.
Why Talking About It Matters
Gambling problems rarely stay contained. They often affect finances, relationships, and
emotional well-being.
The World Health Organization notes that problem gambling has
wide-ranging personal, social, and financial impacts (World Health Organization, 2024).
In my work, I also see how silence can increase stress. When money problems go
unspoken, they tend to grow, and so does the anxiety around them.
At the same time, shame plays a powerful role. Research shows that stigma can
prevent people from opening up or seeking help (Hing et al., 2015). That’s why the way
in which you approach the conversation matters just as much as whether you have it.
Noticing the Signs
Loved ones often sense a problem before gambling is openly discussed.
The Maryland Center of Excellence on Problem Gambling (n.d.) identifies common warning signs of problem gambling including:
- Secrecy about how much money is being spent
- Missing or unexplained funds in shared accounts or credit cards
- Borrowing money, selling personal belongings, or items disappearing from the home
- Unusual urgency around handling mail or hiding bills and bank statements,
- including changing account passwords without your knowledge
Not every situation means there is a gambling problem—but these are signals that it
may be time to check in.
Start with Preparation, Not Pressure
Before you begin the conversation, take a moment to ground yourself. Gambling Help
Online (n.d.) identifies the importance of taking care of yourself, both physically and
mentally, learning more about gambling, planning what you want to say, and anticipating
possible reactions.
In my counseling work, I often encourage people to:
• Think about what they’ve observed (not what they assume)
• Be clear about their concerns
• Choose a time when emotions are relatively calm
This is not about confronting or fixing—it’s about opening a door.
Approaches like motivational interviewing, widely used in behavioral health, offer a
structured way to talk about change that builds a person’s own motivation and
commitment. It focuses on meeting people where they are, using empathy, avoiding
judgment, and recognizing that responsibility for change lies with the individual (Miller &
Rollnick, 2023). This approach is equally effective in these conversations.
How to Begin
You don’t need perfect words. What matters most is that your message is caring and
respectful.
Some simple ways to start:
• “I’ve been worried about you and wanted to check in.”
• “Can we talk about what’s been going on with money?”
• “I care about you, and I’ve noticed some things that concern me.”
I often remind affected others to focus on what they’ve seen, rather than making
accusations. For example, mentioning missed bills or financial stress is more helpful
than labeling or blaming.
The Maryland Center of Excellence on Problem Gambling (n.d) supports this approach
because focusing on observable behaviors can reduce defensiveness and keep the
conversation more productive.
Listening Is One of the Most Helpful Things You Can Do
In these conversations, listening is just as important, if not more important, than talking.
This can be hard, especially if you’re feeling frustrated or scared. But when someone
feels heard, they are more likely to stay engaged.
In practice, this means:
• Giving them space to talk
• Avoiding interruptions
• Reflecting back on what you hear to ensure understanding
Research on motivational interviewing shows that high-quality listening helps build trust
and reduce resistance (Miller & Rollnick, 2023). In simple terms, it helps the
conversation stay open.
When the Conversation Gets Hard
It’s very common for someone to respond with defensiveness, denial, or even anger. I
want to emphasize that this is not unusual.
In many cases, those reactions are connected to shame or fear. GambleAware (n.d.)
notes that stigma around gambling can make it difficult for individuals to acknowledge
concerns or accept help.
If this happens:
• Try to stay calm
• Avoid arguing or escalating
• Let them know you’re coming from a place of care
You might say, “I’m not trying to blame you—I just care and want to understand.”
Even if the conversation doesn’t go as you hoped, it can still be meaningful. Sometimes
these discussions are the first step in a longer process.
Talking About Money Without Adding Shame
As a financial counselor, I know that money conversations can feel especially
vulnerable. Debt, financial losses, or uncertainty can bring embarrassment and guilt.
One approach I often use is to focus on facts and next steps, rather than past mistakes.
For example:
• “Let’s look at what’s going on and figure out what might help.”
• “What would feel like a small step forward right now?”
Recognizing the individual’s good qualities and any positive steps they have taken can
help foster a positive conversation. The Maryland Center of Excellence on Problem Gambling (n.d)
Offering Support (Without Trying to Fix Everything)
You don’t need to have all the answers in one conversation.
Instead, think about how you can support the next step. That might include:
• Encouraging them to talk with a counselor
• Offering to help find resources
• Letting them know they don’t have to figure it out alone
Significant others often try to “fix” the situation but may unintentionally enable the
behavior. While “enabling” usually means to help, in the context of addiction, it can
mean helping the behavior continue. Be mindful of well-intentioned strategies that can
backfire and reinforce gambling behavior, such as offering to quickly pay off debts or
taking on extra work to cover gambling losses, as these may prolong the addiction
rather than help with recovery (Bechtold & Willson, 2021).
The National Council on Problem Gambling offers a confidential 24/7 Helpline (1-800-
MY-RESET) that connects individuals and families to local support services (National
Council on Problem Gambling, n.d.).
In my work, I often see that simply knowing help is available can reduce some of the
immediate stress.
Taking Care of Yourself
If you are a loved one, it’s important to remember that this situation affects you, too.
You may be carrying financial stress, emotional strain, or both. It’s okay to acknowledge
that.
Research shows that family members of individuals with addictions often experience
significant stress, making self-care essential (Orford et al., 2013). A gambling addiction
might result in the loss of a marriage, physical or emotional abuse of children, spouse,
or loved ones (National Endowment for Financial Education, 2000). Setting boundaries,
protecting your financial well-being, and seeking your own support are all important
steps. Perhaps, seek out Gam-Anon (https://gam-anon.org/) or similar organization.
A Final Thought
These conversations are not easy. They can feel uncomfortable, emotional, and
uncertain. But they are also important.
You don’t need to say everything perfectly. You aren’t responsible for solving the
problem. What matters most is that you approach the situation with care, honesty, and a
willingness to listen.
In my experience, change often begins with a simple moment of connection, a
conversation where someone feels seen, heard, and supported. And that can make all
the difference.
To learn more about how to have these difficult conversations, check out these
resources:
“Help by State” (a listing of local support and resources) by the National Council
on Problem Gambling. https://www.ncpgambling.org/help-treatment/help-by-
state/“A Guide to Having the Conversation: Families and Gambling” by The Maryland
Center of Excellence on Problem Gambling; https://www.compassmark.org/wp-
content/uploads/2020/02/Have_the_Conversation_Problem_Gambling_Guide.pdf
“Talking about gambling” by GambleAware;
https://www.gambleaware.org/advice/for-your-gambling/talking-about-gambling/
“Getting ready for the conversation” by Gambling Help Online;
https://www.gamblinghelponline.org.au/support-yourself-or-others/taking-
action/the-conversation-talking?language_content_entity=en
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References
Bechtold, J., & Wilson, A. (2021). The Gambling Disorder Treatment Handbook: A
Guide for Mental Health Professionals. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
GambleAware. (n.d.). Talking about gambling. https://www.gambleaware.org/advice/for-
your-gambling/talking-about-gambling/
Gambling Help Online. (n.d.) Getting Ready for the Conversation.
https://www.gamblinghelponline.org.au/support-yourself-or-others/taking-action/the-
conversation-talking?language_content_entity=en
Hing, N., Russell, A., Nuske, E., & Gainsbury, S. (2016). The stigma of problem
gambling: Causes, characteristics and consequences. Victoria, Australia: Victorian
Responsible Gambling Foundation.
https://acquire.cqu.edu.au/ndownloader/files/25791374
Maryland Center of Excellence on Problem Gambling. (n.d.). A Guide to Having the
Conversation: Families and Gambling. https://www.compassmark.org/wp-
content/uploads/2020/02/Have_the_Conversation_Problem_Gambling_Guide.pdf
Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2023). Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change
and Grow. (4th ed.). Guilford Press.
National Council on Problem Gambling. (n.d.). Need support for a gambling problem?
Helpline Home - National Council on Problem Gambling
National Endowment for Financial Counseling. (2000). Personal Financial Strategies for
the Loved Ones of Problem Gamblers. https://nyproblemgambling.org/wp-
content/uploads/2022/03/loved_ones_guide_ncpg_booklet.pdf
Orford, J., Velleman, R., Natera, G., Templeton, L., & Copello, A. (2013). Addiction in
the family is a major but neglected contributor to the global burden of adult ill-
health. Social science & medicine, 78, 70-77.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953612007988
World Health Organization. (2004). Gambling. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-
sheets/detail/gambling
